I survived War and Peace!

I seriously can’t believe that working on the biggest show of the year is over, In fact the biggest show of my career so far.

The run up to the rehearsal period was very daunting, having 6 weeks to worry and think about what to expect over the next 12 weeks.

I really wished I used those 6 weeks to actually of done little more research, I think I was in the mind frame of I don’t want to do this opera, so I’m not going to bother. Which now I look at it was such the wrong attitude to go with. I knew this wasn’t like me at all, I’m usually such a positive person ad enjoys working on any show, I think the prospect of actually being the deputy stage manager for the biggest opera of the year was so scary. All these worries running through my head – beginners in score reading, never used a prompt desk, my speech, my confidence- all of them making this next allocation so scary for me to enter with high hopes.

I went through stage of the pre production process, I had days where I was excited and raring to give it a go and try my best, then other days I would come in and be really depressed and just wanted to leave.

As the days grew ever so smaller to the first day of rehearsals I knew I had to kick my self into gear, I knew there was no way out, so I started to look for positives in the allocation, the fact I could learn so much from this experience,

I started to get paperwork together, all what I knew I could do. I did the obvious ones the call sheet, sign in sheet, notices. But I wanted to create some really useful layouts and paperwork because we had such a huge cast, I decided to create a availability chart based on there singing lessons, that took me a while but I thought was really use full so it would be an easy reference in rehearsals, even though this worked at the beginning on the rehearsal period it soon became useless when the singing lessons changed and cast members weren’t aloud to attend due to other commitments with in the opera.

The first day of rehearsals was so nerve wracking I couldn’t actually keep calm or relax I was always on edge, I found Irina Brown my director at the beginning very hard t work with, I know all directors have different styles and techniques, I did find it very over whelming. I also felt lime I got knocked back at the start with the fact my call sheet and sign in sheet wasn’t for an opera; it had the conventional drama layout. This really annoyed me in two was because (A) I knew taught myself or told myself to look up different layouts for Opera and Drama and (B) I was annoyed that I never got told or advised prior that opera paperwork is different. I couldn’t’ believe it, not 10 minuets into the rehearsal THE FIRST rehearsal I had made a mistake, I felt so shit, I felt so unprofessional and I instantly got the thought “well if I’m bad that a simple thing like that what else??”

I knew I shouldn’t of had this bad vibe or negative attitude and it did really affect me, I admit I was off in the first week because I made myself sick worrying about the weeks ahead.

I came in that next week with a new attitude, I really wanted to push myself and make this work in favour with me.  Things started to ease a bit, I began to feel comfortable in rehearsals and I was beginning to get more confidence and starting to stick up for myself with Irina buy turning round an making designs on my own without consulting another member of my team all the time.

As the weeks went by and going to rehearsals, I do admit I found them boring and tedious, I tried so many times to get my self more interested and active in rehearsals, I think it was the fact that Irina changed the blocking so much, – I know a director does that but this was beyond a joke – I think it didn’t help the fact that there was a cast of 75 so it was an intensive rehearsals progress.

Things really stepped up a gear when we got to Scottish opera, and this was when I started to realise that my blocking wasn’t detailed enough. I always had the question in my mind “ when is it enough?” I now know I have to be more detailed in my blocking, and I think this lacked due to the fact it was my first time taking blocking down properly and the fact it was a lot to take in on the big chorus scenes, they were a beast!

I kept saying that I wished I could change my blocking all the way through, and I now know not to put it on post-its not because that fact that I could loose them it was the time to transfer them into the book, I think this may of worked with a smaller book but this was two books at 500 pages altogether, so it was a very long and boring task which could have been used to do the other many tasks I had to complete like plots etc.

Soon as I knew it was the Christmas holidays and the next step was the theatre, the thought of actually going onto stage was so scary, it made me feel sick.  While I was on holiday it gave me time to think about all the stuff could of done better, I think the biggest thing was to of gone with a more positive approach, I also felt guilty for being off those days and how much more pressure I had put on m team, and I knew when I go back I would have to step up m game and do the best I could.

The holidays flew past, and the next thing I know I’m on stage it was the first stage and piano. Scared much?? Yes.

The First stage and piano went ok considering my previous experience, little things like pressing the go buttons for standby I was always getting wrong, but by the end of the first S&P I think I finally cracked it.

Finally I felt good and happy at where I was, I think it was the fact that I was on stage, I could see everything come together and loved the fact that I had to always think ahead, get back to a certain spot if we stopped, get lx back into a Q, same with fly’s and the cast, it was just great to be doing something different and keeping everything on the ball.

I managed to overcome my Speaking fear, I was dreading doing backstage calls, ok I sometimes made a mistake but hey I’m just human, but to be told that was a professional and clear backstage call made me feel good. The next call I had to crack was the Front of house call, I think I actually surprised myself; I managed to tick another box of which I overcame. I couldn’t believe how calm clear and slow I was speaking it was amazing, why couldn’t I speak like that during the day!!!

As the run was running to its final curtain, I stopped and looked on stage (whilst I had no cues) and was thinking WOW I actually overcame this fear the emotion was over whelming. I actually stopped and thought have I found my calling?

Since this has now all came to an end I have learnt a hell of a lot, saw a totally different side of me a the end of this allocation, I now have a deeper appreciation for my team, and now I know that the deputy stage manager is the core of the overall stage management team.

I think what I will take into my next allocation for being deputy stage manager will be for the rehearsal period is to work on my blocking, I really want to crack at what it’s the right amount of blocking, to be honest I think there is never enough, but I need to know what is to less and not to have that experience again like I did on the opera. I think when it come to being on stage and on the prompt desk I really want to see if I can be even more on the ball with setting back knowing the script. Score more and just being even more aware.

As you can probably guess I am glad I went through this immense experience and have gained a lot more experience, confidence and a more positive attitude towards the piece and my team.